Good & Nice Advice..

On Friday, December 13th, 2013 at around 12:30pm (a few hours before my wedding), I wrote this letter to myself as a form of reminder. I want to remember these things for the years to come Insha Allah. 

These are some reminders to myself about being a husband, a father, and a person in general 

Dear Married Aiman,

As a husband, I hope that you think of your wife as your partner. She is neither your boss nor your employee. She is your partner. She has opinions, thoughts, and feelings – so listen to them. Listen more, talk less. Who knows, you might learn a thing or two from her. 

Have honest conversations with her. Discuss things. You’re going to disagree, so handle disagreements well. Don’t expect her to be like you. She’s not like you and she never will be like you. She is a unique individual, with her own personalities. Don’t forget that she’s a woman, and you and I both know that there’s a lot that we need to learn about women. Don’t expect uniformity. Uniformity doesn’t lead to unity. Diversity leads to unity and Islam celebrates diversity, but with limits.

Be a leader, not a dictator.  

Know that both of you are on the same team, so don’t think about winning or losing. Use the Quran and the Sunnah as a guide, not as a weapon to bring the other down. If you need to correct her, do so in the best way possible. Don’t be a jerk about it. In fact, don’t be a jerk in general. Be kind and compassionate, especially towards your family. The best people are the best to their families. Like I said, you’re on the same team. You are both in this for the long run, all the way to Jannah. Insha Allah. 

You will argue with your wife. There will be times when she will drive you crazy. There will be times when you will drive her crazy. As much as you would like to avoid those moments, they are almost inevitable. I have never heard of a marriage without conflicts. Even the Prophet had conflicts with his wives. 

In those times, remember the Prophet. Remember that he kept his cool no matter what. If you’re angry, don’t talk while you’re angry. Don’t discuss things while you’re angry. You and I both know that while you’re angry, you’re not thinking straight. You might say or do things that you don’t mean. So keep your mouth shut while you’re angry and don’t do anything stupid. Make wudu, pray two rakaat, cool yourself down, and if you feel like you need to address something then do so in the best way possible. Not while you’re angry. 

Love your wife, with all your heart. Remember that a woman was made from a rib. The rib is on your side so she is neither above you nor below you, and the rib is close to your heart so that you may cherish her and love her. Also, don’t forget that ribs protect the internal organs; so as much as you are protecting her, she is also protecting you. 

Always say that you love her even though she knows it. Say it anyway. Show your gratitude to what she has done for you. 

As a father, I hope that you think of your children as both a blessing and a trust (an Amanah) from Allah. Know that they are not oblivious to the things you say and do, especially to the things that you do. They learn mostly from your actions, not from your words. So pay closer attention to what you do than what you say. They will always look to you for examples, so be the best example that you can be. 

Be a friend to your children. Be a place where they feel safe. Be someone whom they can share their most personal side and secrets. Be someone whom they look forward to meet; when you come home, they run towards you. Not away from you.

Never ever argue in front of the kids. Nothing is more traumatizing to a child than seeing his/her parents fighting. Don’t do that to your kids. Don’t bring kids into your marital arguments. In front of your kids, always smile and be cheerful. Be a source of positive energy for them. That’s how you want them to remember you by. 

There is no vacation for being a parent. It is literally a full time job, 24/7, for the rest of your life. Even when your kids get married and have their own kids, that doesn’t mean that you stop being a parent. You will always be a parent. You will always be an example for your kids. 

Teach your kids about Islam, about Allah, and about the Prophet. Be their first and their best teacher. Don’t outsource your parenting responsibilities to anyone. Teach them about accountability and about responsibility early on in life so that they learn how to be good and honest people. Teach them how to choose good friends and how to be good friends. Teach them to give back to the community. Teach them to serve people and be a good resource for people, not a burden. Teach them good manners through good examples.

Talk to your kids. Face them and have good conversations. Don’t face the TV. That’s not good quality family time. That’s just a bunch of people sitting in front of the TV. Ask them about their day. Stimulate their minds. Encourage them to think. Ask for their opinions. Encourage them to read good books. Read with them and read to them.

Don’t stunt their growth, but encourage their growth. Or better yet, grow with your kids. When they learn, you learn with them. Don’t be too busy with other things that you miss watching your kids grow. You only have one opportunity to watch your kids grow, so don’t miss it.

Pray with your family. Create a Masjid inside your own home. 

In general, know that you will make mistakes. You are not perfect. But when you do make mistakes, please own up to them. Don’t let your pride and ego get in the way. If you know that you are wrong, admit it first and foremost to yourself. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t try to justify yourself with lame excuses. If you’re wrong, admit it. Learn from mistakes, grow, and move on. 

The two big enemies of men are their pride and their ego. These two bad boys are not your friends, they are Shaytan’s friends. So don’t allow them to come into your home. Leave them at the door. In fact, leave them altogether. They are no good to you. Be humble. Stay humble. Insha Allah, Allah will raise you. 

Build a home, not a house. A house is just made of four walls and rooms. If a house is not filled with love and obedience to Allah, then it is not a home. Build a home, a safe haven for your family. Build a place of tranquility. Build a place where your wife feels safe, where your kids feel safe, and where they feel love and a sense of belonging. 

Be open to change. You’re not perfect. You don’t know everything. There’s always something new to learn. Something new to improve. 

Find the good in people. Everyone has flaws; your wife has flaws and your kids have flaws. You have flaws. But choose to focus on the good and always mention the good, and seek to improve the not-so-good.

Don’t judge other people, judge only yourself. You don’t know the condition of people’s hearts. What you see with your eyes is not the whole story, so leave the judging part to Allah. Hate the wrong actions that people do. Don’t hate the people that are doing it. 

Be the solution, not the problem. Know that the most valuable things in life are not things.

Married Aiman, I hope you can lead your wife, your kids, your family all the way to Jannah where you will live happily ever after. Remember that happily ever after doesn’t exist here in this world, it exists in the next world – in Jannah.

This is Single Aiman, signing off.

Married Aiman, all the best!

From,
Single Aiman

~Copy paste from http://www.aimanazlan.com/2013/12/a-letter-from-single-aiman-to-married.html

Mood: Rindukan Sahabat-Sahabat

Em, stlh lama xde masa nk update blog ni..lastly, dpt gk aku update entry kali ni..

Ntah nape, slalu lak t'ingat kt shbt2, teman seperjuangan time kt UIA dulu sjk akhir2 ni..rindu sgt kt diorg..sjk masing2 dh bwk haluan msg2 ni, lg susah nk jmpe..ade antara kami yg dh slmt m'dirikan rumahtangga, so tumpuan diorg mstilah lebih kpd family..smoga kalian slmt b'cinta smpai syurga dgn jodoh yg Allah dh takdirkn utk kalian sume=) bg kami yg still lg bujang ni, msg2 bz ngn chambering or keje msg2..ntah bile la ade lg ksmptn utk kte b'jmpe lg..

Utk entry kali ni, trase cm nk mengimbau kenangan ngn diorg time kt UIA dulu..em, time civil slame 4 tahun dulu, aku ade 7 org shbt baek yg mmg rpt ngn aku..5 org aku dh lame knl sjk matrix UIA PJ dulu..1st, Hajar Ma'sumah..aku bleh knl n rpt ngn dia ni sbb ktorg always in the same group from the very beginning aku m'jejakkan kaki ke mtrx PJ..time awal2 knl dulu, hajar ni pndiam je orgnye..kalo dm kls arab 2, org laen sume asyik nk jwb soklan yg Ustz Taha tanye tp dia diam je..susah nk dgr suara dia..tp, bile dh masuk sem 2, dia dh start bising dh..plg xbleh lupe, dia dok promote kek dia time kls English..kre amek alih tgs lecturer jap la ngajo cara2 wat kek dia 2,haha..ktorg prnh gk jd rum8 time short sem kt mtrx 2..hajr ni mmg baek sgt3 orgnye..time kt gombak,ktorg dh pyh sket nk jmpe sbb mahallah pon jauh, kls pon byk yg tak same..tp, yg bestnye, even xslalu jmpe tp ktorg slalu rse dkt di hati even jauh di mata..rase attach je..byk suka duka yg ktorg share same2..gelak same2, nangis same2..ko mmg shbt sejati aku la hajar :) skrg ni hajar ni dh kawin dh pon ngn sang suami pilihan hatinye..aku mmg hepi sgt bile dia ni kawin..aku doakan moge ko dikurniakan zuriat yg soleh n solehah cpt2,hehe..

2nd person yg aku knl, Amirah Zainal Abidin..sama gk cm hajar, mira ni pon same claz ngn aku time kt mtrx dlu..mira ni lembut je orgnye..tak reti nk ckp 'aku'..suci murni je,hehe..ape yg aku bleh ckp psl mira ni, dia ni mmg a good listener..willing to lend her shoulder if we have any problem..penuh sifat keibuan..2la dia mira shbtku..

3rd person, Che Wan Mariati..che'ma ni pon bleh knl n rpt sbb same claz dr mtrx gk..1st time aku ade kwn org jauh, org ganu 2..hehe..che'ma ni pon lbh kurg mira gk..mmg a good listener n byk bg nasihat..time smbung syariah slame stahun ari 2, lg la ktorg rpt sbb stdy sme2..bile nk stdy je, che'ma dtg bilik aku..rndu time 2, smgt rse stdy syariah kalo nk compre ngn civil dlu,hehe..

4th person, Iqbal Hanina..nina ni pon blh knl n rpt atas reason yg same gk..we are in the same claz..nina ni pon hepi go lucky n tabah sgt orgnye..prnh jd rum8 aku time kt gombak dlu..byk kisah suka duka ktorg share sme2..aku rse aku start bljr brani tegur org kalo ade yg perlu ditegur ni pon drpd nina ni la..best sgt jd rum8 dia..ktorg akan sntiase try utk solat b'jemaah sme2..kami gilir2 jd imam n makmum..kdg2 lps solat, ade sesi tazkirah..plg xbleh lupe, ktorg slalu wat sesi tazkiyyatun nafs time mlm2 sblm nk tdo..kdg2 slalu tdo lmbt kalo time cuti sbb nk b'kongsi2 cerita n nsht..mmg byk sgt bnde yg aku bljr drpd nina ni..b'tuah dia sbb dia ni dilahirkn dlm fmly yg kuat m'p'juangkn PAS n aku b'tuah sbb Allah titipkn dia sbg rum8ku..Alhamdulillah..skrg ni nina dh slmt melayari bahtera cinta dgn insan pilihan arwah umminye..sgt bsr pngorbanan nina..hanya Allah yg dpt m'blsnye..nina ni yg plg awal kawin di antara kami sume..time 3rd year dlu kalo xslp..dia dh ade 3 org anak dh pon..i'm hepi 4 u nina :)

5th person, Masniah Hasanah..mas ni aku knl time 2nd year kt mtrx dulu..dia ni mmg hepi go lucky je orgnye..kalo b'smbang 2 ade je bnde nk cite..tak kering gusi kdg2 2 dibuatnye..kalo ngn mas ni, time kt gombak mmg yg aku plg rpt la sbb ktorg byk kls same, prnh jd rum8 wlupon secara illegal..haha..plg xbleh lupe ngn mas ni, time 2nd year or 3rd year dlu, slalu gk gaduh2 slh phm ngn dia..ade je yg msg2 xpuas hati kdg2..kalo gaduh ngn mas ni, aku mmg ske diam je sbb xnk mengeruhkn lg keadaan..tp, mas mmg slalu la dpt msj mtk maaf drpd aku..kdg ngn kwn ni, kite kne buang sket ego 2..xde slhnye kalo kte mengalah supaya keadaan dpt dip'betulkn..tp, bile ktorg dh baek blk,ktorg pon akan luahkn ape yg msg2 xpuas hati..so, slg tegur menegur supaya slh phm yg sme xb'ulg lg..ingt lg, aku smpai tls 1 entry kt blog ni khas time aku gaduh ngn mas,haha..tp, ibrah n hikmah yg aku dpt amek dr slh phm yg b'laku 2, ktorg lebih knl hati budi msg2 n ukhuwah 2 lebih manis n utuh smpai skrg..aku p'caya n yakin bhw p'shbtn 2 xkan indah bile tak diuji..skrg ni mas pon dh kawin ngn hsbnd plhn dirinye n fmlynye..aku hepi tgk shbt aku ni bhgia..moge Allah melimpahkan keberkatan n keredhaanNya buat ko ngn suami n ur daughter :)

next, time kt gombak dlu, aku ade sorg lg rum8 yg sgt aku sygi..Izyan Hazwani..ntah cmne bleh jd rum8 pon aku xtau..mayb 2la yg dikatakn jodoh,hehe..yan ni org hbt..exco LAWSOC, exco SRC..mmg sorg pemimpin yg bgs..aku kagum ngn dia..even dia bkn sekolah agama dlu, tp dia b'jaya polish nilai2 n bakat2 yg ade dlm dirinye..org yg xknl dia confirm akan ingt dia bdk sekolah agama..aku yakin 100%, hehe..pglmn n kngn yg aku lalui ngn yan ni pon lbh kurg sme cm nina..nk wat cmne, dh rum8 la katakan,mst la sme kn..haha..untungnye sbb ktorg sme course, so bleh stdy sme2 slaen byk p'kongsian rohani yg dpt dishare..kre, kalo aku ngn dia ade mslh or ade cite pape, mmg bile blk bilik mst ade je bnde yg nk diceritakn..kire bleh dikatakn xde rhsia la, everything dlm poket kami;p yan ni la shbt yg plg lama xjmpe lps abes syariah last year..whatever pon, i'm here 2 say, i'm very proud n glad 2 have a nice n great rum8 like u..sy doakan awk b'temu jodoh spt yg awk hrpkn supaya dpt la awk realisasikn impian awk "di jalan dakwah aku menikah" :)

wokey,abes cite psl tmn2 sep'juangan time LLB dulu..so, skrg ni nk cite psl shbt2 time LLBS lak..

1st n foremost, of coz la my greatest rum8s..Nur Aidillah Harun (angah), Salwa Ramly n Saidatul Zureena Zakaria (kureen)..xlupe gk Rashidah Shafie n Siti Masleha Makenan (kak yang) yg bleh dikatakn dh jd rum8 ktorg gk la..mne taknye, deme b'2 ni, stdy kt bilik ktorg, mkn kt bilik ktorg, lepak kt bilik ktorg, tdo pon kt bilik ktorg gk..cume kak yang jela yg jarang2 tdo bilik ktorg..sbb dia kate bilik dia lg best:P diorg sume ni rum8s merangkap member stdy group gk la..sng je, bile nk stdy, sume b'kumpul kt compartment aku..kire b'tuah la junior yg dpt compartment aku sem ni..tmpt ilmu 2,haha..my rum8s ni mmg la baek sgt3..kalo nk mkn 2 xprnh lupe antre 1 sme laen..plg bestnye, kureen ngn shidah suke g psr mlm n awe..aku, angah ngn wa kdg2 2 ape lg, ske je nk order..kalo rajin, ikut g skali esp psr mlm..hehe..

rindu gile time stdy ngn diorg ni..best rse, xstress..sbb 2 rajin je stdy time syariah ni..siap ade jadual stdy lg..cara ktorg stdy, ktorg suke bhagikn bab2 utk stdy..yela, bljr dlm bahasa arab ni m'cabar sket..so, utk meringankn, cara cm2 la..bile time dscssion, ktorg dscuss blk kot2 ade yg t'slh phm..tp, plg xbestnye bile ade part yg diorg dscuss, part 2 plak la yg aku xdtg claz..bkn sje xnk dtg tp time 2 aku diuji ngn sakit yg hanya Allah je yg tau rasanye cmne..smpai 3 or 4 org doktor aku g jmpe, sumenye ckp aku sakit yg b'beza2..last2nye, aku xthn sgt sbb dh 2 hari b'turut2 xg kls, aku mtk injection..lps 2 baru la lega..sbb 2 la kite kne hargai masa sihat kite sbb kalo kite dh sakit, kdg2 2mmg xbleh nk watpe..t'lantar jela..bgn jz utk solat, g bilik air,mkn..mkn pon mmg xlalu..2 sudu pon dh rse kenyang sgt..tp, aku mmg b'tuah sbb sume rum8s aku ni t'msuk shidah ngn kak yang, sume caring gle..even my bestfrens time civil dlu xde kt sisi, tp aku xprnh rse kurg sbb Allah titipkn diorg ni pulak utk menemani aku m'habiskn p'juanganku stdy syariah, my favourite field..

plg best time final last sem..stdy dr pg smpai ke mlm..tp, kdg2 2 ade gk start stdy tghari or lps zohor sbb nk rht pg 2 sbb smlmnye dh stdy smpai lwt mlm..bile boring stdy, ptg 2 rse nk relaxkn otak, ktorg g psr mlm..time final ni gk la plg byk mkn..yela,mne taknye..bile kite stdy, kite dok perah otak kn..bile perah otak, perut pon mule la lapo,hehe..kureen ngn shidah mmg dh hafal la arini psr mlm mne, esok mne,lusa mne..bleh dikatakn stiap hari ade psr mlm kt area gombak 2..

Ya Allah, berilah aku kesempatan utk b'jumpa dgn mereka2 ni semua..aku sgt merindukan mereka dan menyayangi mereka keranaMu..terima kasih Ya Allah kerana Kau telah menitipkan mereka kepadaku dan aku b'kesempatan utk menjalinkan ukhuwah n m'cipta kenangan t'indah b'sama mereka..sesungguhnya mereka merupakan antara sahabat2 t'baik yg pernah aku temui sepanjang hidupku..ameen =)